On Bread, Camp and Protection

This on is a tough one. 

Recently, I have started milling my own grain, and making my own bread. This has blown up into a major life altering experience. Throughout my life I have been told to watch/care about my diet. I thought I did. I thought I was being careful and considerate of my diet as I tried different eating habits, or different recipes, etc. 

I knew nothing. 

 By venturing into the world of real bread, I realized that i had not been consuming food, but sustenance. Different combinations of altered and enhanced substances created to keep me functioning.  

Food is.....creative. It is real, and is beauty. It is sometimes simple, sometimes complex. Real food is not always pretty to begin with. Sometimes the foundational ingredients have flaws; they are misshapen, or dirty and need washed (ie; potatoes....). Real food takes time to prepare.

 Yes, food and sustenance can be used interchangeably. But sustenance you don't have to enjoy. Food, you can't help but enjoy. 

One would never describe gruel as food. It is sustenance. One would never describe Bolognese as sustenance; that is food. 

Anyways, in making bread, I realized, I am making food. Making good food is an art.

...Which then led me to the reality of homemaking. Homemaking is also an art. It is a skill that must be taught, and practiced. A properly run and managed home is a thing of beauty. It is a combination of order and chaos,  functionality and impracticality; a unique environment for development and growth where one can be blessed with safety, peace and joy. It also includes good food. It exists on a wavelength; some days are better than others, but all days contribute to the musical composition that is called Life. It exists in all cultures; its not culturally specific, but it is always a thing of beauty.

Homemaking is a lost art.  

It is not, however, lost to antiquity. It can be found, and developed. I don't think it can ever be mastered; as people and needs and lifestyles change, homemaking must adjust to compensate. 

It is also something that needs protection.

When operating from a place of emotional or physical unrest, creating art is hard. Who has time to think about the beauty of things when one must survive? 

I love art. I have always loved art. In my youth, I would always try to draw, or sculpt or paint. In my young adulthood, I surrounded myself with individuals who excelled in the visual or musical arts. I never was able to come close to their talent, but I enjoyed trying to excel in the areas I felt were my strengths.  As an adult, I didn't have time for that; "it wasn't my world", I told myself. 

But it was. It was in my home. I didn't have to be perfect; I just had to be. I could express my "art" in my food, my organization, my interests. The pictures on the wall. The cleanliness (and style) of the clothes. The shine of the floors. The layout of the furniture. The placement of the plants. The taste of the meals. 

My home is my canvas, and there is no wrong way to paint on it.

As my girls grow older, and go on adventures and find out who they are, I pray that they will find their homemaking skills. I can only teach them the basics; the creativity is theirs. I pray they will find husbands who will see the art that is them, and fight to protect it at all costs; even sometimes, against the artist destroying the work of art.  Unfinished work can be a mess; but that does not mean it is inadequate.

 This weekend, my youngest left for summer camp. I am thrilled for her, and terrified that she will not have fun. I have been reassured by humans who have no idea of the future that she will be fine. I have prayed that she will be kept safe and will have fun.

I'm choosing to believe that God will protect her.  

To God, we are unfinished works of art. He is continually shaping and molding us. We are a mess a lot of the time; but He does not give up. He will continue until we are perfect. 

And He will protect us as He is shaping us. He protects His works of art. We are all invaluable, unique pieces of art. Irreplaceable. 

And worth dying for.  

 

On Tornados, Cookies, and Thieves

I live in Oklahoma. For those who know the great state of Oklahoma, we are known to have a lot of severe storms and frequent tornadoes in the springtime. That is actually one of the reasons I moved back; the weather in southern Texas was too mundane, I needed the bipolar nature of Oklahoma's weather to bring some excitement to my life. That being said, this season is opening up to be as expected. Great weather, then sudden storms then tornado watches & warnings. Last night was no exception. We had threat of severe storms with possible tornadoes, so I decided to stay up until the threat passed in the event I had to move the kids to shelter quickly. So, while I was waiting for the storms, I decided to fulfill my promise of baking cookies for my kids. ...145 cookies later, we did not have a drop of rain. The wind had slightly increased. The "tornado watch" window had expired. I went to bed. 

 Fast forward to this morning. I woke up to hearing the wind howling and thunder and rain. I was not surprised, because this was expected; the weather man had forecast rain in the morning for today. Then my phone buzzed, text message coming in. I ignored it, because I normally get "Good Morning" texts from my friends when they wake up. But the texts did not stop. So I picked up my phone, and lo and behold.....there was a tornado coming to my area. It had come frighteningly close to some of my friends. Another friend called me to makes sure I was awake. It happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly. So how do thieves fit in? Did I, or someone I know get robbed during this tumultuous time? No. This experience brought a sudden and unnerving awareness of what Paul meant when he wrote 1 Thessalonians 5:2: "For you yourselves know that the day of the Lord so comes as a thief in the night". Sometimes, we are made aware of thieves in the area. We have news broadcasts, neighborhood watches, etc. We are given advice on how to protect ourselves, and our homes. No one ever knows when a thief will come. My friends and I knew the storms were coming. We talked abut it. We had prepared.  But we were asleep when happened. Then the storm came like a thief. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. And I was asleep. If it weren't for my friends, I would have not known that there was any danger; but more importantly, if I had chosen to ignore the messages (like I normally do, until I am ready to deal with it) I could have found myself in a world of hurt. 

 Praise God, we were all safe. The tornado passed, and did not affect me at all. So all this to say: Don't Ignore the Messages. 

Reflections on the Christian Walk

It has literally been years since I have written on this blog. I had forgoten I had it. And yet, it still stands. I have been reading the book of Thessalonians, and I find myself struggling with the concept of "The Christian walk, or the Christian way". What does it mean? What I have seen a lot is the concept of "love, and love without reservation". "Love without judgement". "Acceptance". I have seen nothing of "Standards". Do Christians have standards? What are standards? So, according to the dictionary (dictionary.com :) ) standards are defined as "Those morals, ethics, habits, etc., established by authority, custom, or an individual as acceptable." I belive we are supposed to. So, follow my thought process here: - Christians are identified as followers of Christ. - We belive that the Bible is the Word of God, and all in it is devine inspiration from God to man. - The Bible shows us how to live; it is the letter from God to Man expressing His loving character to all. So, The authority of Christ followers is God, and He has outlined His standards for His followers in His word. Now, lets focus on the New Testament. Is this also devine inspiriation? Are these words still instructions? Do the words after the book of John REALLY matter? Are they inspired words to show us how to conduct ourselves as Christians, or were they only for specific churches at specific times and no longer apply to us? This is my struggle. I belive in the absolute authority of the Bible as the Word of God. I belive that as a believer in Christ and a follower of His way, His message did not stop at the cross. If it did, there was no need for Paul to write letters. There was no need for anyone to write anything else, because it would have concluded at the death of Christ, and all our sins were washed away, and all we would have to do would be accept Christ and then pray the Holy Spirit work in us. The messages didn't stop at the cross though. God continued to inspire men to write; I believe those writings are to help refine us. Otherwise, the rest of the New Testament after John 21:25 would not be needed. In reflecting on the mainstream "Christian Walk", I find a lot of people stopping at the end of John, and applying the words beyond that to specific people at specific times but not the Christians now because all we need is to "Love" and "Let the Holy Spirit deal with everything else". Why was this not sufficient for the Christians after the book of John? Why did there need to be subsequent writings? In my mind, the relationship with Christ is a personal thing; but the walk is to be done in community. I think, in every Christian's walk, they pass through moments where they may behave or struggle with behaviors or ideologies or concepts that are adressed within the New Testament, and we are to support, encourage, guide, admonish and help each other through the journey. I believe that Christians shold not stop at "love", but START there. Only in Love can we move forward as instructed in the books beyond John. Only in Love can we have strong families, strong churches, and strong communities. Only in Love can we sharpen our brothers and sisters in Christ, and help each other refine our characters. Loving man is not the end goal of the Christian Walk. It's just the beginning.

Christian Advice.....

Something has been bothering me as of recent. Due to the many conversations I have had with various friends regarding marriage, I've had a lot of things to think about and now I realize my confusion/complications comes in when I do not know what advice to give them. I guess my main problem is with divorce. I know some people say that "there is no grounds for divorce except for under biblical standards". Such standards are then classified as adultery. And that is it. There is no other reason that is "biblical ". At one point in my life (it could've been my wedding…) I heard that a man is supposed to love his wife the way Christ loves the church; marriage is supposed to reflect Christ's love for the church. I have heard the comments about being "unequally yoked", and I also know the verse about the unbeliever being married to the believer, and if the unbeliever doesn't want to leave and wants to stay married then they should stay married and they will be blessed (I guess I always viewed that as “if they respected and loved each other, there’s no reason they should be encouraged to separate.” My opinion…). But here's my problem: what if two professed believers get married, and then one or both change, and start to live a life or exhibit behaviors that are no longer in any way shape or form in alignment with Christ? What if that marriage goes from being an example of Christ love for the church to an example of "Sodom & Gomorrah"? What if the party that has walked away from Christ is choosing not to repent of their sins, they don't see any problem with the way they are living, and in turn start to ridicule the other for their continue walk with Christ? What if there are children involved in this? At what point is it then the Christian obligation? Duty? Right? To say enough is enough, this sin cannot be abided, and walk away? … Can the Christian rightfully walk away? How is it possible to despise the sin of disrespect of fellow man, and yet when a marriage partner: - makes lewd and disrespectful comments or gestures to the partner then laughs and say that's just the way men/women are - refuses to acknowledge they are hurting their partner - mocks them in front of the children - acts out (or demands to act out) fantasies that the other party finds repulsive under the blanket of “everything is acceptable in the marriage bed“ or “because you married me, even though you are uncomfortable you “need“ to do this/that because you are my spouse and it will make me happy” - Uses the marriage commitment as a weapon (“you’re never going to get rid of me”, “I will destroy you (reputation or financially, etc) if you try to leave”) encourage the offended partner to stay with them? Have we inadvertently created a double standard in our own Christian lives where sin is not acceptable or tolerable, except if it's with the spouse; then covered it with “marriage is private” so we don’t have to mess with the marriages that are a mess, and have to hold our fellow brothers and sisters accountable? I know I am in no place to judge others; we do not know the heart of man only God does. But when "man" (speaking of men and women) chooses (by their words and then actions) to walk away from the Lord, and they do not wish to reflect on their behavior and repent of it (because “they see nothing wrong with it, they just need to be accepted as they are…and you married them so now you just have to live with it“), what advice can I give them as a Christian? I feel that “pray about it” has become a cop out; for some people I’ve talked to, a natural death (for their partner) seems too far away, and suicide is not an option for them because they don’t want to leave their children to be raised by the offending partner. I guess I feel the cloak of “the irrevocable decision” has been placed upon marriage . Once you get married you are blessed or doomed for life; the fact that we are all sinners and we make mistakes is no longer applicable because marriage is "the end". *Note: I do not believe in “irreconcilable differences” as a reason for divorce. Also, I don’t believe “hurt feelings” are a reason to give up either. I guess I speak of a degrading of the partner as a human; they have become “objects”, or “possessions acquired due to matrimony”.

"I want to check you for....."

"Blood sucking parasites that hurt and leave you itching and paranoid about things like contracting a horrible disease or other bugs crawling all over you and getting into places where they shouldn't belong". Isn't that how the song goes? No? After the weekend camping with my darling Pathfinders and Adventurers, I have decided Brad Paisley is an idiot. I don't know if he has spent time checking anyone for ticks; I cant imagine it being a really titillating experience for either party. Especially if you find one. (shudder) It is a really horrible experience. Then, after the removal, comes the itching.... I guess by now my current conflict has become apparent. I HATE TICKS. I love nature...but this is ridiculous. This year the tick season was supposed to be bad. This is beyond bad. It seems like everyone in my family (including animals, excluding fish) has had to endure the wrath of the bloodsuckers. Today, my son acquired one mowing the lawn. I acquired one spraying around the house for bugs. I think I have had enough. There will be no more "time in nature" for this girl, unless it's at the beach. I am through with ticks. I don't even like the Superhero, "The Tick". and I love superheroes. ....Actually....I really just like Thor. But not the comic book Thor....;)

I just realized....

....I have no idea what I'm doing. I've been homeschooling for a school term now. My first year, My son, 3rd/4th grade curriculum. I did the research. Checked out different methods. Joined a homeschool group. Created a schedule. Planned out a curriculum. ...and feel like I accomplished nothing this year. We've done field trips, read lots of books, watched movies that were available for the subjects studying, got involved in a science co-op.... When asked what my son learned this year so far, he stated..."nothing". Boy. I've failed. I was really excited about next year a few weeks ago. I found a new curriculum that was pretty much straight classical education. I found a fabulous math program, a really fun looking spelling program, and I love our current history and science programs. I will be embarking upon pre-k next year, and that's pretty intimidating...... "sigh". I dont know if I can do it. Education is so very important to me. I truly enjoy learning. My parents didn't homeschool; we were just expected to make straight A's. I really dont remember them helping me with my schoolwork. Socially, school was hard; I didnt have many friends. When my son started having problems, homeschooling seemed the best option. I could spend time helping him with what he didnt understand. I placed him in an environment where he would be accepted as himself; no need to "try to be like anyone else". He got the opportunity to do lots of extra stuff to help him understand, and he got to meet some pretty awesome kids like himself. But he learned "nothing" this year. To be honest, we struggled all year with the reality that Mommy expects him to do his best - all the time. Sloppy work is not okay. We struggled with the need for him to pay attention....apparently I have not expected that from him before. We struggled with his inability to follow instructions - strangely enough, he seems to have embraced the "if its not comfortable for you, dont do it" mentality at an early age. And I have learned I know nothing about how to encourage children. So where do I go from here? I LOVE homeschooling. I am learning....and I love it. I am sharing a bit of what I love about learning...and he dosent seem to care. Next year, I will have both children to try to teach.....

My thoughts on Gay marriage

Normally I have very little to say about anything. But I am hard pressed not to say anything about this. Some would equate the right for gay marriage as the same as the right to interracial marriages. However, I think that they are not the same. At all. Our country, despite its current state, was founded on Biblical principles, and although we as a country have not always sided on the side of Biblical correctness, I believe we have a lot of people up there who still believe in the power of the Almighty and his wrath. I would like to point out that the Bible never spoke out against the color of a man as a reason for not marrying him, but rather his culture or his beliefs. Therefore, in my opinion, the decision that interracial relationships between a man and woman are valid is a Biblical and morally sound decision. Is it a decision the government needed to make? As a Bible believing, God fearing woman, I don’t think so. On the flip side, the Bible does have a lot to say about homosexual relationships, and none of them are positive. I think the real question is: should the government be expected to tell us what is truth, morally right, therefore acceptable?? Overall, I feel the government has no real business deciding who can and cannot get married. They are (as far as I am understanding) supposed to create and uphold laws of the land. Because of that, I feel the decision to marry or not to marry homosexuals should be left to the churches, and the governments should issue “binding contracts of care”, or whatever they want to call it, available to those who choose not to (or who can’t) get married in a church. Once the contract is signed, the individual parties can have all the legal implications of “marriage”; the religious & moral aspects of it can be left up to the churches, societies, cultures, whatever. I don’t think this contract needs to be issued for those who are able to or choose to get married in churches, because for those of us who are married, once you sign the marriage certificate, the “contract” is therefore “legal and binding”! I may be a bit under-informed, but it seems like the battle for gay people to be married started because they were being denied the legal rights that heterosexual people who got married received. The "right" for the marriage to be "accepted" is a social and personal issue, and one the governments cant force. Let the government deal with it on the legal end. Let the churches deal with it on the religious end. And let the people decide what is right for them.

The power of words: Stupid

So, I'm taking a little break from packing. In this break I'm reading more of a book I've been reading for a while. As I have been reading it, at different spots of the authors (in my opinion) opinions, I find myself thinking "this is stupid!!"
Then I realized, "Stupid" is a very powerful word. It can bring thoughts, ideas, and dreams to ashes. (But not opinions. Opinions are pretty resilient...) But then I realize, it usually is used when something is found to be intimidating or when the subject matter (right or wrong) is not wanted as acceptable. It's an easy word to use, instead of delving deeper into the truth of the matter behind our emotional responses to stimuli. It's easier to say something is "stupid' instead of trying to find out why it offends me.
I think, for a week, I'm not going to use the word "stupid" as a descriptor.

Except for when I'm speaking about my husband's smart phone.

On cats and manta rays and being a woman

This weekend I went to the beach. It was great. Slept on the beach, woke up to the sound of ocean's waves crashing on the beach. Saw beautiful sunsets. Enjoyed food by portable grill, (granted with a bit of sand.... :p. Watched my kids play in the ocean, and get very brown. Built a sandcastle. Saw manta rays riding the waves in the ocean (before my Kayak tipped and I thought I was going to die). Collected shells, and saw a real life Portuguese Man-of-war, All in all...it was great. Then I got home, and had a little black kitten run up to me, meowing. She's so happy that we're home.
The joy's of life are simple, and the kitten helped me remember that. one thing this weekend I spent time doing is contemplating what it means to be a Woman. Not just female. I realize without realizing, I've spent several years wanting to become a Godly Woman. Not just inside, with prayer and faith but on the surface as well, with character and actions. I realized I've been searching for a purpose in life, one not linked to acquiring income. I read a book, and the book mentioned that (in short) the husband's duty is to make the living, and the wife's duty is to make life worth living. I guess why that's why I LOVE being a wife. And deeper still, that's why I LOVE social work. I was created to make life worth living. Not only for my self, but for my husband, children, and community.
I feel it is very important for every woman to be educated, and able to stand on her own two feet before she gets married. One never knows what trials God will allow in your life. However, I am, more and more convinced, the reason why our society is experiencing a decline in morality, propriety, and overall happiness is because in our relationships, both are working to make the living, and no one is focusing on making life worth living. To make life worth living is such a huge responsibility; to be truthful, it is such a big challenge it deserves its own college degree ("yea, I've got a bachelors in The Art of Making Life Worth Living. I'm starting my masters next year....:p)
Which brings me back to the cat. I enjoy the rubs on my face by hers. I enjoy the soft purrs, they relax me. Her rough tongue licking my skin makes me laugh. Although sometimes annoying, and often making me want to throw her across the room, I appreciate her. She, in a small way, makes my life worth living.
If a cat can make life a little bit more bearable, what more can I, a human being, do for those I love in my life?
I feel, in a small way, that God has shown me my calling. Not to run out into the world and "bring home the bacon" or even "supplement" it; but rather to take the "bacon", and create a beautiful, amazing, enjoyable, memorable meal for my family. One my kids will forever be talking about, and aspire to recreate for their future families. One who's recipe will be passed on for generations.

For, if I don't do it, then who will?

Take time....

I tell myself, "I'm just gonna hop on facebook and see whats up. I dont have much time...." I'm always so busy, being 'grown up', being 'a parent'.
I glance at people, and dont really mention much. I guess I've fallen out of 'social networking'. (that's 'maturity', right?...)
Then I notice a post of a friend. Her and her husband are going through a rough time. I realize, how distanced I'd become from those I once cherished. I realize how little I pay attention now; to people, places, events....
Humans are really special. Especially those whom one chooses to call "friend". In realizing how distant I've become, I've also realized how short life can be...and how much I NEED to keep in touch. Maybe not a phone call a week, but hey. A letter. A note. A prayer.
God places people in your life for a reason. Everyone in my life has a purpose, whether it be with me or not.

I plan to cherish them a bit more this year.

maybe social networking is more needed in my life than I realize. Without it, I'd forget how special individuals are.

Something old, Something new....

Old traditions can make wonderful new hobbies.

As some of you know, I've taken up cake baking. I do it from scratch; no box mixes for me, I do the whole shebang, icing included! And I love it. I started it as a way to save money...and It has turned out into quite an expirience.

I had the privilage of marrying a wonderful man who's mother was a professional cake decorator in her past (as well as a professional seamstress, but thats another blog!!). She had taught some Wilton Cake Decorating Classes in her past, so she helps me out with icing the cake, and we both do decorations. But I bake.

The first big cake we did was my wedding cake. It was a three tier cake, 3 different flavours. it was fantastic! I did a chocolate, strawberry, and white cake....and found the best chocolate and strawberry cake recipies known to....me. I progressed to doing cakes from different pan molds, and did a cute dinosaur for my sons birthday (see prior post). my newest accomplishment...my second wedding cake. Some friends asked me to do the cake, and I agreed. we had a blast. It was awesome. I know, I have a lot of growing to do in my technique and baking...but for the second biggest project i've ever done, I think it went well. I baked, and made the icing; my mother in law iced, and we both decorated.

I learned one thing in this venture. Weddings, birthdays, and BIRTHdays......they are the little blurbs of joy in an otherwise very stressful, very exhasuting world. For me, expiriencing moments of complete non worry. living in the present, no concern of future, do dwelling in past...just the enjoyment of a beautiful, tasty cake...it's such a rarity...I completely enjoyed the exhaustion of today. :)

Odd Fondness...

So, earlier this summer a spider moved in.
Well, she didnt move into our home, she moved into our hallway, and established a web above our storage unit.
every night, she would build a beautiful web, and catch bugs. every morning...she was hiding in a corner, waiting for night.
She didnt bother us, and I decided to let her stay.
The entire summer has gone by; she got larger and larger, and her web got larger, but she stayed above our storage unit; when we opened the door, it did not alter her web (she had not attached any part of it to the door or anything) and she didnt drop down below the web to bother us, and so we ignored her. Every now and again though, we took pleasure in watching her do her thing, and got to show my son how spiders do thier thing. We developed a fondness for the spider. She never invaded on our storage unit space, just stayed right above it; every night, doing her thing...every morning, gone.

Well, she got pretty darn big. I was getting scared, and was thinking about 'reliving' her of her position. but I decided to wait a bit more. Recently, we looked for her in the evening....and she wasnt there. Well, she wasnt on her web. she was curled up, underneath the eaves of our storage unit, where the door opened. It was very hard for her to move(she was REALLY FAT by this time)...and she looked very uncomfortable.

Tonight, we saw that she had moved, and had created a very large egg sac on the outside side of the unit, where the door does not open.

My husband and I decided to look her up; if she was any threat, we would destroy the eggs. We found out she was a '"barn spider"; perfectly harmless, they actually used a barn spider as one of the main characters in 'Charolette's Web. (In reflecting on the book, after seeing her egg sac, I can understand how the pig must have felt carrying it in her mouth....it is a LARGE egg sac!)

We decided we will let them live. We've gotten very fond of the spider. We may relocate the egg sac, to a safer place, but not destroy them.

Its odd how things grow on you. :)

Converting

So, today I was thinking about converting to Islam. I read an article on CNN.com; it was about a former agnostic that had converted. She said something that really struck a chord with me. She said that after she converted (non pressured, by her own reading and research) she was sitting with another Muslim friend (who was wearing the hijab) at a diner or something, having tea. An individual came up, and saw her with her friend; he greated her friend with the formal Islamic greeting, and looked at her and said "hey, whats up?". She said she took offense to that, becasue the individual did not greet her with the formal greeting, even though she was a Muslim too...then she realized, he could not tell becuase of her appearance. That was the point she decided to wear the hijab.
It got me to thinking.

Okay, honestly, I dont want to convert to Islam. I am strong and sound in my faith, and yet, it got me thinking. When people pass me on the street, what do they see? Does my appearance portray an individual strong in thier Christian faith....or am I dismisssed like "everyone else"? Outside of words, professed belief....what sets Christians apart? I am wondering, is there any way to "make a statement....without saying a word"?

As I write this, a verse pops into my head. "Man looks at the outward appearance, God looks at the heart".

I dont need to wear a hijab, or a bracelet, or anything to profess my faith. I can if I want to (and, I think I will make an honest effort to revamp my closet to express more clearly a woman of modesty) but my heart is what matters.

I'm sure if I get my heart straight, everything else will take care of itself.

:)

strange...

anyways, so its been forever since I blogged. A LOT has happened....I have wanted to blog a lot, but mostly complaints. I cant say I have much to complain about now, which is good. God is good, all the time...and all the time, God is good!! Many changes are a'comin for our family, all of them good. Even when things dont seem to be very good....things are better than what they could be.

So, tonight, my dear husband has put on Netflix some oriental superhero movies.

Its amazing how bonding changes over time....for those who know us, who would'vd thought this is great bonding for us?

I love blogging....but now, I love my husband more. :) so, I guess I'm off to a night of possibly rediculous, possibly funny, very silly non english superhero movies.

I guess everyone needs a superhero, eh?

First days...

It's my son's first day of second grade tomorrow. It's kind of exciting. During worship tonight, he expressed his excited anticipation, and nervouseness about starting second grade. I was about to blow it off as whatever, things will be fine....then I remembered...This is a big deal! Well, in his world it is.
It's amazing how much I've forgotten about being young. I remember, I used to be soo excited; as I got older, excitement was replaced with nervousness so bad, I go nauseous. First days are such a big deal...

I remember last year, and the year before...he's growing up soo fast. I look at him, and reflect on how much older he looks... I guess, when they are babies, you forget they are babies, untill they get older. I think its the unfortunate plight of older (and only) children. They're often expected to act so much more 'grown up' than they really are....and I am guilty of treating my son as a little adult, and neglecting the fact that he was just a baby...

This year will be so much different for him. He's got glasses now, and reads better. I'm hoping his world contains much happiness for him this year. He's made some friends, and seems to be settling into life as an older brother.

I'm so excited for him. I hope I can sleep tonight..... :)

Feet...

My feet hurt.
Im not sure why, but they do. I've a feeling its because of my shoes; but really?? That and the fact i've been on them for most of the evening.
Its amazing how something so natural as standing can cause such pain!!

I've been wishing that Icould find shoes that it dosent hurt to stand in. But I think it may be a lost cause.

I dont like my feet, either. They are not pretty. they are functional, and thats about it. I envy those with naturally beautiful feet. Even when I "pretty-fy" them...they look short and stubby, but are suprizingly large for how tall I am.
Either way. I need to accept my feet, because I intend to start belly dancing soon and they dance barefoot.

....Maybe i should work harder to ensure they are "pretty-fied".

My daughter is going to have beautiful feet. They are shaped like her fathers (who, by the way, has very pretty man feet) and are slender. and long. But she looks like she's going to be tall. My son has pretty good feet too. very sturdy, well shaped feet. Nice arches. He'll be a good athlete....once he starts.
Mine are just ...odd.

oh well.

Letters...

Lately I've been recieving letters from friends.
Not the e-mail, or facebook posts; but old fashioned, hand written letters.
It's like christmas every day I get one, and I realize how thankful I am for friends.

I dont write back to often. Actually, I think I've written back once. I tell myself, I'm just so busy....but that reasoning falls to the ground, when realize the friends that write me are busier than I.

It makes me grateful; realizing that people are taking time out for me.
Makes me realize, how much I dont take time for others, even though I tell myself that I do.

I have some pretty wonderful friends. :)

Time keeps on flying...

Ty turned eight this past week. It's amazing how time flies. Eight years ago, I had a little boy.

My life was very different then.

Anyways. Today, we threw a birthday party for him. It was good. I think everyone had a good time. It was wonderful hanging out with friends...watching my son play with others. It does mean alot to have your kid surrounded by friends....and friends you like, and that you feel will help him grow to respect those around him.

I baked him a cake. It took me untill 4:20 am to finish it, frosting and all. it was delicious...but exhasutive. I'm so proud of myself though. Outside of Crocheting, and Sewing, Cake baking is my hobby. After I finished...I felt accomplished. Like one of "those Moms", the one's I always wished I were like. The ones who always had time for thier kids, and thier kids friends. Time to sew clothes for thier daughters, and bake cookies for thier sons.

I can't imagine one being disgusted with having time to love thier kids.

As it was, Tyrel enjoyed his dark chocolate dinosaur cake.

I think. :)

Food....

I love food. I think eating is such a wonderful expirience to be shared with friends. One really must not eat alone if there is somene to eat with; then they should both eat slowly, enjoy the meal, the company, and the expirience of the whole thing. I've never tasted food from another persons perspective before, but I bet food tastes different to each person.
Today, I made butter herb pasta with veggie chicken. it was good. I had to add a bit more salt, and thought alfredo sauce would have made the dish. The individual I shared it with thought it was perfect, and alfredo sauce would be a bit much.

Prior to dinner, I had a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream. Good stuff.

I think dinners should always be done that way; eat desert first. That way, one is less likely to over eat, and then have to force themselves to eat desert. It may be the key in helping one lose weight. :)

That, and lots of water in the form of Kool-Aid. :)

Its late evening....

...and I once again am blogging.

I've recently become a Christian Radio Podcast junkie. I love Christian radio, and love the fact that most of the shows come in podcast form so I can download them and listen later. They've provided lots of support in my reading and studying. Living a biblically correct life has become an obsession; constant searching, reading, praying, (and listening to podcasts) has occupied my free time. I am not bored, but rather, intrigued by the challenge.

I wonder: is it possible to be all the Bible calls for a woman to be in this day and age?

I belive it is, but only by the grace of God.

Part of the "coolness" of my husband is that he desires to be the kind of man he feels the Bible calls men to be. It is very much a challenge (and struggle) for him as well.

One part of what God (through the Bible) calls us to do is to practice submission; him to God, me to him... and man, that's where most of our problems start! Its also, as I have been learning, one of the most important areas in developing a God centered family life -- submission.

I've also found, as a woman, it is also the most spoken against, anger stimulating part of our society. We, as women, have "fought so long against having to submit to anyone...." and yet, the Bible calls us to "submit to our husbands".

It's amazing how, when you talk to your friends and family, and tell them you want to live a God centered life and follow what the Bible says about how our family should be structured, and conduct itself, they are fully supportive.

Then you tell them "...so, in beliving the Bible is God's word and instruction for our lives, I've decided to do as it asks, and submit to the authority of my husband for that is what God wills..." they all of a sudden think you've gone bonkers, and you are dooming your and your children's lives to Hades.

Is this confusion? Double standards? Misunderstanding of what the Bible means?

...Or is it the uncovering of mans sinful nature, and unwillingness of man to accept Gods plans?

Whatever it is, I choose to do as I see God calls me to do, for I call myself a Christian.... and doing thus, obeying God is my duty.