Christian Advice.....

Something has been bothering me as of recent. Due to the many conversations I have had with various friends regarding marriage, I've had a lot of things to think about and now I realize my confusion/complications comes in when I do not know what advice to give them. I guess my main problem is with divorce. I know some people say that "there is no grounds for divorce except for under biblical standards". Such standards are then classified as adultery. And that is it. There is no other reason that is "biblical ". At one point in my life (it could've been my wedding…) I heard that a man is supposed to love his wife the way Christ loves the church; marriage is supposed to reflect Christ's love for the church. I have heard the comments about being "unequally yoked", and I also know the verse about the unbeliever being married to the believer, and if the unbeliever doesn't want to leave and wants to stay married then they should stay married and they will be blessed (I guess I always viewed that as “if they respected and loved each other, there’s no reason they should be encouraged to separate.” My opinion…). But here's my problem: what if two professed believers get married, and then one or both change, and start to live a life or exhibit behaviors that are no longer in any way shape or form in alignment with Christ? What if that marriage goes from being an example of Christ love for the church to an example of "Sodom & Gomorrah"? What if the party that has walked away from Christ is choosing not to repent of their sins, they don't see any problem with the way they are living, and in turn start to ridicule the other for their continue walk with Christ? What if there are children involved in this? At what point is it then the Christian obligation? Duty? Right? To say enough is enough, this sin cannot be abided, and walk away? … Can the Christian rightfully walk away? How is it possible to despise the sin of disrespect of fellow man, and yet when a marriage partner: - makes lewd and disrespectful comments or gestures to the partner then laughs and say that's just the way men/women are - refuses to acknowledge they are hurting their partner - mocks them in front of the children - acts out (or demands to act out) fantasies that the other party finds repulsive under the blanket of “everything is acceptable in the marriage bed“ or “because you married me, even though you are uncomfortable you “need“ to do this/that because you are my spouse and it will make me happy” - Uses the marriage commitment as a weapon (“you’re never going to get rid of me”, “I will destroy you (reputation or financially, etc) if you try to leave”) encourage the offended partner to stay with them? Have we inadvertently created a double standard in our own Christian lives where sin is not acceptable or tolerable, except if it's with the spouse; then covered it with “marriage is private” so we don’t have to mess with the marriages that are a mess, and have to hold our fellow brothers and sisters accountable? I know I am in no place to judge others; we do not know the heart of man only God does. But when "man" (speaking of men and women) chooses (by their words and then actions) to walk away from the Lord, and they do not wish to reflect on their behavior and repent of it (because “they see nothing wrong with it, they just need to be accepted as they are…and you married them so now you just have to live with it“), what advice can I give them as a Christian? I feel that “pray about it” has become a cop out; for some people I’ve talked to, a natural death (for their partner) seems too far away, and suicide is not an option for them because they don’t want to leave their children to be raised by the offending partner. I guess I feel the cloak of “the irrevocable decision” has been placed upon marriage . Once you get married you are blessed or doomed for life; the fact that we are all sinners and we make mistakes is no longer applicable because marriage is "the end". *Note: I do not believe in “irreconcilable differences” as a reason for divorce. Also, I don’t believe “hurt feelings” are a reason to give up either. I guess I speak of a degrading of the partner as a human; they have become “objects”, or “possessions acquired due to matrimony”.

"I want to check you for....."

"Blood sucking parasites that hurt and leave you itching and paranoid about things like contracting a horrible disease or other bugs crawling all over you and getting into places where they shouldn't belong". Isn't that how the song goes? No? After the weekend camping with my darling Pathfinders and Adventurers, I have decided Brad Paisley is an idiot. I don't know if he has spent time checking anyone for ticks; I cant imagine it being a really titillating experience for either party. Especially if you find one. (shudder) It is a really horrible experience. Then, after the removal, comes the itching.... I guess by now my current conflict has become apparent. I HATE TICKS. I love nature...but this is ridiculous. This year the tick season was supposed to be bad. This is beyond bad. It seems like everyone in my family (including animals, excluding fish) has had to endure the wrath of the bloodsuckers. Today, my son acquired one mowing the lawn. I acquired one spraying around the house for bugs. I think I have had enough. There will be no more "time in nature" for this girl, unless it's at the beach. I am through with ticks. I don't even like the Superhero, "The Tick". and I love superheroes. ....Actually....I really just like Thor. But not the comic book Thor....;)

I just realized....

....I have no idea what I'm doing. I've been homeschooling for a school term now. My first year, My son, 3rd/4th grade curriculum. I did the research. Checked out different methods. Joined a homeschool group. Created a schedule. Planned out a curriculum. ...and feel like I accomplished nothing this year. We've done field trips, read lots of books, watched movies that were available for the subjects studying, got involved in a science co-op.... When asked what my son learned this year so far, he stated..."nothing". Boy. I've failed. I was really excited about next year a few weeks ago. I found a new curriculum that was pretty much straight classical education. I found a fabulous math program, a really fun looking spelling program, and I love our current history and science programs. I will be embarking upon pre-k next year, and that's pretty intimidating...... "sigh". I dont know if I can do it. Education is so very important to me. I truly enjoy learning. My parents didn't homeschool; we were just expected to make straight A's. I really dont remember them helping me with my schoolwork. Socially, school was hard; I didnt have many friends. When my son started having problems, homeschooling seemed the best option. I could spend time helping him with what he didnt understand. I placed him in an environment where he would be accepted as himself; no need to "try to be like anyone else". He got the opportunity to do lots of extra stuff to help him understand, and he got to meet some pretty awesome kids like himself. But he learned "nothing" this year. To be honest, we struggled all year with the reality that Mommy expects him to do his best - all the time. Sloppy work is not okay. We struggled with the need for him to pay attention....apparently I have not expected that from him before. We struggled with his inability to follow instructions - strangely enough, he seems to have embraced the "if its not comfortable for you, dont do it" mentality at an early age. And I have learned I know nothing about how to encourage children. So where do I go from here? I LOVE homeschooling. I am learning....and I love it. I am sharing a bit of what I love about learning...and he dosent seem to care. Next year, I will have both children to try to teach.....

My thoughts on Gay marriage

Normally I have very little to say about anything. But I am hard pressed not to say anything about this. Some would equate the right for gay marriage as the same as the right to interracial marriages. However, I think that they are not the same. At all. Our country, despite its current state, was founded on Biblical principles, and although we as a country have not always sided on the side of Biblical correctness, I believe we have a lot of people up there who still believe in the power of the Almighty and his wrath. I would like to point out that the Bible never spoke out against the color of a man as a reason for not marrying him, but rather his culture or his beliefs. Therefore, in my opinion, the decision that interracial relationships between a man and woman are valid is a Biblical and morally sound decision. Is it a decision the government needed to make? As a Bible believing, God fearing woman, I don’t think so. On the flip side, the Bible does have a lot to say about homosexual relationships, and none of them are positive. I think the real question is: should the government be expected to tell us what is truth, morally right, therefore acceptable?? Overall, I feel the government has no real business deciding who can and cannot get married. They are (as far as I am understanding) supposed to create and uphold laws of the land. Because of that, I feel the decision to marry or not to marry homosexuals should be left to the churches, and the governments should issue “binding contracts of care”, or whatever they want to call it, available to those who choose not to (or who can’t) get married in a church. Once the contract is signed, the individual parties can have all the legal implications of “marriage”; the religious & moral aspects of it can be left up to the churches, societies, cultures, whatever. I don’t think this contract needs to be issued for those who are able to or choose to get married in churches, because for those of us who are married, once you sign the marriage certificate, the “contract” is therefore “legal and binding”! I may be a bit under-informed, but it seems like the battle for gay people to be married started because they were being denied the legal rights that heterosexual people who got married received. The "right" for the marriage to be "accepted" is a social and personal issue, and one the governments cant force. Let the government deal with it on the legal end. Let the churches deal with it on the religious end. And let the people decide what is right for them.

The power of words: Stupid

So, I'm taking a little break from packing. In this break I'm reading more of a book I've been reading for a while. As I have been reading it, at different spots of the authors (in my opinion) opinions, I find myself thinking "this is stupid!!"
Then I realized, "Stupid" is a very powerful word. It can bring thoughts, ideas, and dreams to ashes. (But not opinions. Opinions are pretty resilient...) But then I realize, it usually is used when something is found to be intimidating or when the subject matter (right or wrong) is not wanted as acceptable. It's an easy word to use, instead of delving deeper into the truth of the matter behind our emotional responses to stimuli. It's easier to say something is "stupid' instead of trying to find out why it offends me.
I think, for a week, I'm not going to use the word "stupid" as a descriptor.

Except for when I'm speaking about my husband's smart phone.

On cats and manta rays and being a woman

This weekend I went to the beach. It was great. Slept on the beach, woke up to the sound of ocean's waves crashing on the beach. Saw beautiful sunsets. Enjoyed food by portable grill, (granted with a bit of sand.... :p. Watched my kids play in the ocean, and get very brown. Built a sandcastle. Saw manta rays riding the waves in the ocean (before my Kayak tipped and I thought I was going to die). Collected shells, and saw a real life Portuguese Man-of-war, All in all...it was great. Then I got home, and had a little black kitten run up to me, meowing. She's so happy that we're home.
The joy's of life are simple, and the kitten helped me remember that. one thing this weekend I spent time doing is contemplating what it means to be a Woman. Not just female. I realize without realizing, I've spent several years wanting to become a Godly Woman. Not just inside, with prayer and faith but on the surface as well, with character and actions. I realized I've been searching for a purpose in life, one not linked to acquiring income. I read a book, and the book mentioned that (in short) the husband's duty is to make the living, and the wife's duty is to make life worth living. I guess why that's why I LOVE being a wife. And deeper still, that's why I LOVE social work. I was created to make life worth living. Not only for my self, but for my husband, children, and community.
I feel it is very important for every woman to be educated, and able to stand on her own two feet before she gets married. One never knows what trials God will allow in your life. However, I am, more and more convinced, the reason why our society is experiencing a decline in morality, propriety, and overall happiness is because in our relationships, both are working to make the living, and no one is focusing on making life worth living. To make life worth living is such a huge responsibility; to be truthful, it is such a big challenge it deserves its own college degree ("yea, I've got a bachelors in The Art of Making Life Worth Living. I'm starting my masters next year....:p)
Which brings me back to the cat. I enjoy the rubs on my face by hers. I enjoy the soft purrs, they relax me. Her rough tongue licking my skin makes me laugh. Although sometimes annoying, and often making me want to throw her across the room, I appreciate her. She, in a small way, makes my life worth living.
If a cat can make life a little bit more bearable, what more can I, a human being, do for those I love in my life?
I feel, in a small way, that God has shown me my calling. Not to run out into the world and "bring home the bacon" or even "supplement" it; but rather to take the "bacon", and create a beautiful, amazing, enjoyable, memorable meal for my family. One my kids will forever be talking about, and aspire to recreate for their future families. One who's recipe will be passed on for generations.

For, if I don't do it, then who will?

Take time....

I tell myself, "I'm just gonna hop on facebook and see whats up. I dont have much time...." I'm always so busy, being 'grown up', being 'a parent'.
I glance at people, and dont really mention much. I guess I've fallen out of 'social networking'. (that's 'maturity', right?...)
Then I notice a post of a friend. Her and her husband are going through a rough time. I realize, how distanced I'd become from those I once cherished. I realize how little I pay attention now; to people, places, events....
Humans are really special. Especially those whom one chooses to call "friend". In realizing how distant I've become, I've also realized how short life can be...and how much I NEED to keep in touch. Maybe not a phone call a week, but hey. A letter. A note. A prayer.
God places people in your life for a reason. Everyone in my life has a purpose, whether it be with me or not.

I plan to cherish them a bit more this year.

maybe social networking is more needed in my life than I realize. Without it, I'd forget how special individuals are.